Daughters / College - Yes? / No?

Greetings from Me and My House,

I'm forwarding this post I sent to another hs list this am.)

The "Ask Marilyn" article referred to was evidently in "Parade" magazine. It was a question about whether to hs or not. "Marilyn" had a very negative, obviously uninformed answer.

At Jesus' feet,
Lisa
Me and My House
1 Thessalonians 5:23

----- Original Message ----

Hi all,
Another post just to add more discussion and food for thought to this
topic. (Please forgive my use of CAPS. I'm not yelling at anyone :- ) I just am a very emphatic speaker.) This is long. It has nothing to do with writing transcripts, but everything to do with the college/ career question - focused toward daughters, because
1) that's what was asked, and
2) sons open a whole other "can of worms".

?said (sorry I didn't catch the poster's name): "One more thing, our 13yodd is a very bright, aggressive student and person...most assuredly "college material"...even career material! ... How do I reconcile my dd's gifts and abilities with a soft-pedal approach to higher education?"

Although I quote this *small* portion of ?'s note, this is not aimed at her. It was spurred by the "Ask Marilyn" article, and I ask/ present this as food for thought for all. (To our ? poster specifically, I would say *promote higher education to the nth degree*. Isn't that our goal, to develop lovers of learning - not "college educated" career people, but lifelong, self-initiated learners? This doesn't end when *we* "finish" with them. But this also doesn't mean promote "college".)

Must our daughters (or even sons) pursue college just because they are bright and gifted, white collar executive material? Must bright and gifted people pursue this route because their life would be a "waste" to themselves and society if they don't? As indicated in the "Ask Marilyn" article, this is DEFINITELY the thoughts of the world.

It is *hogwash* (excuse the uneducated sounding terminology :- ) IMO to think that "smart" people go to college and get good careers, and that it is a "loss" if they don't. As "Marilyn" put it (my paraphrase, I didn't save the original) homeschooling robs the world of all the good these smart, educated people could provide. It is also, very strongly, implying that *SAHW/ SAHM* that have a brain are robbing "the world". This is our society's very SOCIALISTIC attitude.

I strongly pray that this worldly attitude is not present in homeschoolers. I hope hs-ers have the vision of God to see the MUCH GREATER FUTURE GOOD, and not the American/ World microwave, instant, I-want-it-NOW (with no vision to the future) good, of what we are doing. We are not here to promote "society", we are here to CHANGE LIVES! A better society is only built by changing one life at a time.

Perhaps our bright children will impact thousands, perhaps they will impact a few neighbors, perhaps they will impact not many but their own children and raise another John Wesley, or Noah Webster. Is this considered a "loss"? Socialism will not change our world. Only Godly people pursuing Godly avenues, with the vision to project that into the future through our children, and leading our "neighbors" to train their children, can do this.

Am I saying that college is an evil to always be shunned by God-fearing people? NO, it is an avenue that is sometimes needed because we live in this world, and it is the way of this world for certain areas. College, for a God-directed field of interest and life's work is a necessity for some in our society. It's the only way to enter certain fields. College for the sake of college, is a waste.

If the point is just "furthering your education", rather than entering a specific field of calling that requires a worldly degree, then there are much better ways of pursuing this, as home educators should know. That's why we do what we do.

If we hs because we believe we can provide a better, more efficient, individualized education for our children, why do we believe they can't continue to pursue the same after their years of training under us? Why must our "bright" children continue their education in an institution, with cookie cutter ideas about how to "succeed" in the "real world"? Many "geniuses" pursued their learning "outside the box" and gave our world/ society some of our greatest contributions (in the "world's" own eyes). It is faulty to conclude that the "brightest" people have a string of initials after their names, and a 6+ figure income career. AND that they are making a "better" contribution than a SAH*W* (not even necessarily SAH*M*) without even a high school diploma.

Lest you be questioning, I am not anti-education! Nor anti-career! Nor anti-money! I DO think outside the "normal" world's box though. AND I do VERY STRONGLY believe that all those things will pass away. Only relationships are eternal. Our society has made education one of, if not THE BIGGEST gods, right along side of money (as our nation's consumer debt proves). Pursuing of careers has destroyed more marriages and family relationships than probably any other thing.

Yes! I believe the highest calling we (*men* and women) have is to marry, and then raise Godly-"seed" (children). To aim them as arrows into the future to change this world through impacting the lives THEY contact, just as we are to model this by also impacting the world through the others God brings across our paths. This does not require a college degree, or even a lot of money. Yes, we are to be good stewards and utilize all the gifts and talents God has given us, to do that, but still, good stewardship (even of talent and brains), in God's eyes, is not equated with college and career.

He gave us what He gave us to glorify Him. If it is His will that someone enters a certain career, to impact the people He has placed within that sphere, AND that career *requires* a college degree, then that is the path he must take. If this is His will, then it CAN be done without sacrificing His higher calling of relationship.

I firmly believe that the "hand that rocks the cradle rules the world". We can make the greatest impact on the world by being home with our children and raising them for God's glory, to be world changers. Yes, I believethat is true for ALL women, no matter how bright and talented they are. AND that we can use every gift and talent, and ounce of "smarts" God has given us to do this, AND to stand by our husband's side as a *helper for HIM* as our *family* together impacts those He has placed us amongst.

I know also that there is a present thinking of "what if God doesn't have marriage in store for my children?" (especially daughters). Then they "must be prepared with a good career to support themselves." It's a *possibility* (though not *probability*) that your daughters (or sons) not marry, and Paul said, "I would that all men were as I am, *for the present tribulation*" (unmarried). But GOD said, "It is not good for man to be alone." AND He made women for the PURPOSE of being a "helper" i.e. WIFE of a man.

Since marriage is a representation of God Himself in several aspects, it is His will for most people. Therefore, I don't believe that women should look at just "leaving the workplace" to raise children, and then return and "make her contribution". She is first and fore-most a Helper for her HUSBAND (not the world), and she is to be a "keeper at home" for HIM not just the kids. i.e. that doesn't mean she's home just to raise his children (or for that time period).

That's a whole other topic, but to keep this on this topic, for our daughters, this means they do not have to be trained in a career for pre- or post- children days, or even pre-marriage days. ( I know, that's way too foreign of an idea to consider a daughter might remain under the care and protection of her father, in his house, serving her family and extending her hand to others, if she doesn't get married.)

As was mentioned in another post, women (including the virtuous wife of Proverbs 31) have many times earned extra "pin" money, through doing some sort of production or service out of her own home. Most times this was through selling the excess (whether product or service) of something she was already doing for her own family - an ideal way for women to use her gifts and talents to benefit her family AND others around her.

God has graced some women, at SOME SEASONS in their lives, with the ability to extend their hands (in greater ways) to others without negatively affecting her own family, marriage or children. The extent of this reach is determined by her current SEASON of life. Many pre-married women are able to do this, although it must always be taken into account that she's to do "her husband good and not evil ALL the days of her life". And she must take care that she is not developing a lifestyle, attitude, or independence that will be harmful to her marriage later on.

Just one aspect of this can stem from placing herself under authority of someone other than her father or husband, who doesn't have the same protective attitude toward her, and whose authority will come in conflict with theirs. Who will she follow? She will lose her job, which is not based on commitment and relationship if she doesn't do what they want. But she will damage, if not lose altogether, her relationships if she continues to chose to obey lesser (self-appointed) authorities over God-ordained authorities. Is it right for a woman's family (children, husband, or parents) to have to make these "sacrifices" to accommodate her job outside of the family?

The question of *preparing* our daughters for college/ career has much deeper implications than not wasting their brains and talents. It has much to do with passing on what we value. What God values. And what He gave them those gifts for. We must seek His whole councel, including His Word to know His unchanging ways, not just in prayer for what we "feel" He may be saying. Yes, we pray for specific direction, but His answers never go against His infallible Word - and we must know His Word to know this. We must not presume that talent and brains means He's called them to college and career, or that they won't use those talents and brains if they don't pursue college or career.

As we prepare our daughters for God's highest calling (and IMO that is
what our goal in preparing them should be), their own interests and bents may ALSO (not instead of) prepare them for their future learning to include "college" for the purpose of a specific direction, that may be in working at her husband's side, as his "helper"; or as an unmarried woman called to "extend her hand" to a specific sphere of influence. But, (IMO) it should never supercede preparation for what she most likely will be called to - to be a Helper of her husband, a nurturer of her children, and a keeper at home.

Yours for provoking thought,
At Jesus' feet,
Lisa
Me and My House
1 Thessalonians 5:23